Ten teachers, two boys who are not stellar students. Ten positive experiences. Every single teacher I spoke with made me feel that my boys were special. I could say, "I'm Sergei's mom," (even when I popped over to a teacher's table simply because there was an opening, not because it was my scheduled time) - never was there a flicker of non-recognition, never a look of confusion for a moment. And, immediately, and quite naturally, each teacher would begin to tell me what they liked about my boys. Now, I know you are thinking - they recognize the Russian name... Maybe. But, I can assure you that would not have been enough at East Lansing High School, or Eastern High School in Lansing. I suppose it is not the teachers' fault so much as it just being too large a school. I guess.
I'll never forget the first high school conference I attended, when Aidan began at East Lansing. I had prepared my list of questions for the teachers - Did he participate? Did he seem comfortable with the other students? Does it seem he has the appropriate background (remember he'd first been at Montessori, then homeschooled). Was he mastering the material? Did he appear to be interested and motivated? Well, that little list was soon crumpled and tossed in the trash can. The only way any of his teachers could begin to get an image of who he was, was to match his name to their seating chart. One teacher continued to refer to "Adam" . OK. No wonder the "conference," such as it was, focused on their little print-outs of grades and assignments turned in. It was like thinking you were going to walk into a greenhouse and instead being transported to a cold, dark basement. And, for the four years Aidan was at East Lansing, and the one year Lydia was there, that feeling continued. When he got older, in his junior and senior year, he was "taken up" by one of the math teachers who encouraged him to be on the lacrosse team. So, he was no longer anonymous there. But that was about it. A few teachers over the years recognized him as the one who sat in the front and was so polite. Aidan had all the hallmarks of being a first-rate student without actually being one, which confused them mightily. They rememberd him for that A+ demeanor, and then were confused (even to the point of admitting they might have lost certain papers or assignments) when they saw some blank spots in the gradebook.
None of that last night. And even more impressive was the attitude that permeated the place: we are here to do whatever it takes to make sure every child succeeds. Every greeting, every expression said "I am glad to meet you; you and your child are important." And there was not one teacher there who I could easily see walking out of the building complaining about having had to spend their night at conferences. Every teacher seemed to love teaching and love their students and expect a positive, wholesome partnership with parents. Honestly, as parents don't we always go to conferences thinking "I want to find teachers that have faith in my kids." Well, in this case I really felt like the teachers were hoping the same thing from the parents! It was lovely. And it was real. It was not printed on posters on the wall. It was imprinted in their expressions and in everything they said.
And so honest! I couldn't help but adore the teacher who admitted that she was kicking herself for making Ilya get up in front of the class to do a speech on Thurgood Marshall, not thinking in time that she should have offered him the chance to do it just for her. And, her delight that he did it, and did it pretty well, was so evident. She even related details about the classroom atmosphere as he gave it, how encouraging the other students were, how one girl hid her face because she was so embarrassed and worried for him and didn't want him to see it. This is what I want from a conference!
Now, mind you - this was not because my boys are stellar students. Sergei has a big, fat F in Geometry right now. He must, by some alchemy, have inherited the Kitching math aptitude. But the teacher was not interested in shaming me, or being disappointed in him - only in finding ways that he might actually learn the stuff and feel good about himself.
And, this is why - I am pretty sure - Sergei said to me the other day "You know mom, I think my self-esteem is going up." I think it is, too.
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