I controlled myself. I just planted this last year, so was really enjoying the blooms. Was appalled to find that Miss Anastasia had plucked every single daisy off.
But, by the grace of God, rather than rail at her, I remembered that "all behavior is communication" and I even remembered some of the therapeutic parenting model. I was accepting, empathetic and curious.
"Wow.....I saw you plucked all of the flowers off the plant. You must have really felt angry to do that." [I could see how surprised she was that I wasn't angry, and as a result she relaxed and was curious herself, at what I'd say.] "I was wondering....I was thinking, 'maybe Anastasia feels like that plant, maybe she feels like some things that were beautiful about her were destroyed.'"
I was stunned, absolutely stunned when in a few minutes she revealed some further incidents of sexual "abuse" that she'd remembered from her far-distant past. Things a bit too vulgar and disturbing to write here, and things that clearly upset her. And I thought, no wonder she feels like she had her pretty blossoms plucked and thrown in the dirt. My poor dear.
Last week Anastasia and I were at a store and some music was playing. She said, quite openly, "For some reason, whenever I hear this song, I can't help but cry. Tears just come into my eyes." I listened a moment and asked - "What is the song called?" She responded, "I Love You Just the Way You Are."
I turned away so she couldn't see how tears came into my eyes then.
Later, of course, I told her that I loved her just the way she is. But I could tell she couldn't hear me.
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