And What We Found There.....*
For over a year I have tried to find a psychiatrist for Anastasia. I am fully aware that years of talk therapy are undoubtedly in her future, but to make that happen, and to get her through some of the challenges of the teen years, I also have the feeling that she could use something to help her calm down enough to think. Something to take the edge off her fear and panic, so that she can see them for what they are. Something to quiet the urge to put out all the prickles (consisting of nasty expression, snide remarks, cruel comments, aggressive and angry gestures and actions) so that she has some hope of not making every person she meets detest her. She's realized that she does this to control the situation - if she can MAKE everyone dislike her, then she doesn't have to worry they'll decide to so on their own - and based on who she really is. But she can't control herself.
But finding a psychiatrist to see her amidst all those who don't see children or don't see teens, or aren't taking new patients, took getting the assistance of our pediatrician and waiting this long......
So - you can imagine, can't you, the hope we placed in this?
So far, Anastasia has not gone to school. I fully intended to enroll her for the K12 on-line school that was adopted as an option this year in Michigan. I could write an entire post about that - long story short, we fell between the cracks and she didn't get in. So, she really needs to be able to be with at least a small group of people. I kept thinking - when we get some medication, we'll see how she does and then decide on a school setting....
But....
The long-awaited psychiatrist appointment was a complete bust. It was (as my boys would say) LAME. I think we had an intern; he was impossibly young. And he didn't seem to even resonate or connect with the idea of RAD. Everything I said about it seemed to flow over his head like water off a duck's back. Do you know how you can sometimes get a sense of what someone is thinking? Well, from the first moment I mentioned RAD, I had the distinct sensation that he was finding me laughable. I think he saw me as a stupid woman who grabbed onto some cockeyed idea, got a little knowledge and is now running around being a blowhard about it. And, the moment I sensed that's what he thought, that is exactly how I sounded to myself - like a complete ignoramus.
I also just knew that from that moment he saw Anastasia as simply a "difficult teen" and me an incompetent mother.
She didn't help things....and it is so sad, because she was trying to. She is scared of herself. She desperately wants to feel more stable - to be able to go to school. So,to that end, she started acting out in a way totally unlike herself.. When sitting in the hall, she texted me every other moment. She pushed her chair up against the door and made noise. Now, this is ridiculous. This is not Anastasia - this is Anastasia's idea of looking crazy. [How ironic is that?] Because I was surprised and suddenly dealing with new and totally unexpected behavior, I ignored it, which I am sure looked incompetent. I expect he figured if I didn't have the good sense to a) not let a child like that have a phone, or b) turn my own phone off, that I was a boob beyond believing.
So, due to her efforts to get help, he was completely distracted from the help she needs and saw only that I have a disrespectful, attention-seeking, out-of control, teenager.
He suggested parenting classes. WHILE she was sitting next to me. That gave me more credibility!
To my despairing cry that she can't go to school, because being around other people, especially kids, causes her to get so dysregulated she is violent.....(to say nothing about not being able to think or learn).... His response was literally a shrug - "Well the school would deal with it and put her into some specialized program, or the police would be called, and they can help." The POLICE can help???!!!! What universe is he living in? Well, maybe I could put her in a RTC, he suggested. Like that is a great idea!
Because of her clearly contrived and planned behaviors, she distracted him from what is really going on. If only I'd been able to realize this consciously at the time, I would have articulated it, and perhaps save the day ( doubt it, but who knows?) But, I didn't really understand what was going on until much later.
It would be funny and laughable, except we'd rested so much hope on this!!!! I had fully expected that he'd prescribe some sort of light medication that would reduce her anxiety a bit, and make it feasible for her to go to school. OR, he'd write her a diagnosis, or "official opinion" or something that would make the school district have to send a tutor, or provide on-line school for her.
I did not expect him to happily lay out a future scenario involving expulsion and the police.
I was so upset at that, that I started crying.....at which point he suggested that maybe she could go live with another family for awhile. Damn the man! Just what Anastasia needed to hear. And, he wasn't even attuned enough to understand that it was HIM who was reducing me to tears, not HER.
Thanks for nothing. Well, something. When I sobbed that we couldn't afford weekly therapy, he must have listened to that. This appointment that was supposed to cost us $245, only required a $15 co-pay.
*Apologies to those who read much of this as a post on the Parenting in SPACE facebook site.
But finding a psychiatrist to see her amidst all those who don't see children or don't see teens, or aren't taking new patients, took getting the assistance of our pediatrician and waiting this long......
So - you can imagine, can't you, the hope we placed in this?
So far, Anastasia has not gone to school. I fully intended to enroll her for the K12 on-line school that was adopted as an option this year in Michigan. I could write an entire post about that - long story short, we fell between the cracks and she didn't get in. So, she really needs to be able to be with at least a small group of people. I kept thinking - when we get some medication, we'll see how she does and then decide on a school setting....
But....
The long-awaited psychiatrist appointment was a complete bust. It was (as my boys would say) LAME. I think we had an intern; he was impossibly young. And he didn't seem to even resonate or connect with the idea of RAD. Everything I said about it seemed to flow over his head like water off a duck's back. Do you know how you can sometimes get a sense of what someone is thinking? Well, from the first moment I mentioned RAD, I had the distinct sensation that he was finding me laughable. I think he saw me as a stupid woman who grabbed onto some cockeyed idea, got a little knowledge and is now running around being a blowhard about it. And, the moment I sensed that's what he thought, that is exactly how I sounded to myself - like a complete ignoramus.
I also just knew that from that moment he saw Anastasia as simply a "difficult teen" and me an incompetent mother.
She didn't help things....and it is so sad, because she was trying to. She is scared of herself. She desperately wants to feel more stable - to be able to go to school. So,to that end, she started acting out in a way totally unlike herself.. When sitting in the hall, she texted me every other moment. She pushed her chair up against the door and made noise. Now, this is ridiculous. This is not Anastasia - this is Anastasia's idea of looking crazy. [How ironic is that?] Because I was surprised and suddenly dealing with new and totally unexpected behavior, I ignored it, which I am sure looked incompetent. I expect he figured if I didn't have the good sense to a) not let a child like that have a phone, or b) turn my own phone off, that I was a boob beyond believing.
So, due to her efforts to get help, he was completely distracted from the help she needs and saw only that I have a disrespectful, attention-seeking, out-of control, teenager.
He suggested parenting classes. WHILE she was sitting next to me. That gave me more credibility!
To my despairing cry that she can't go to school, because being around other people, especially kids, causes her to get so dysregulated she is violent.....(to say nothing about not being able to think or learn).... His response was literally a shrug - "Well the school would deal with it and put her into some specialized program, or the police would be called, and they can help." The POLICE can help???!!!! What universe is he living in? Well, maybe I could put her in a RTC, he suggested. Like that is a great idea!
Because of her clearly contrived and planned behaviors, she distracted him from what is really going on. If only I'd been able to realize this consciously at the time, I would have articulated it, and perhaps save the day ( doubt it, but who knows?) But, I didn't really understand what was going on until much later.
It would be funny and laughable, except we'd rested so much hope on this!!!! I had fully expected that he'd prescribe some sort of light medication that would reduce her anxiety a bit, and make it feasible for her to go to school. OR, he'd write her a diagnosis, or "official opinion" or something that would make the school district have to send a tutor, or provide on-line school for her.
I did not expect him to happily lay out a future scenario involving expulsion and the police.
I was so upset at that, that I started crying.....at which point he suggested that maybe she could go live with another family for awhile. Damn the man! Just what Anastasia needed to hear. And, he wasn't even attuned enough to understand that it was HIM who was reducing me to tears, not HER.
Thanks for nothing. Well, something. When I sobbed that we couldn't afford weekly therapy, he must have listened to that. This appointment that was supposed to cost us $245, only required a $15 co-pay.
*Apologies to those who read much of this as a post on the Parenting in SPACE facebook site.
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