Occasionally, I read a blog post that really gets my comment juices flowing....and when I get to the third or fourth paragraph of my "comment" I realize that it might be more appropriate to write my own post, rather than take over someone else's space!
Some moms have begun a new blog called Therapeutic Moments. It seems a more "upscale"effort than my blog, certainly - never lowering the level to the "uninteresting" or "mundane" the way I did yesterday. It provides personal examples, but isn't personal - if that makes any sense.
This a great essay! It certainly made me think about a lot of different issues related to food, health and parenting.
My husband was a PE teacher for years. One nice thing about age and experience is that it provides one with a longer view....and over the years he began to see that some of his most fit students, talented HS athletes, ten years later might be spotted in the grocery store, loaded down with cases of beer resting on significant pot bellies. He realized that (as in the case of this writer) being an active, athletic teen does not translate to being a fit and active adult. PE classes typically used to (and most still do) emphasize only competitive activities (such as gymnastics) or team sports and games. And face it, even those who might like a lively volleyball game during gym class, are not very likely to seek out a volleyball team when they are out of school. That level of enthusiasm is generally reserved for those with "skills". So Craig began to emphasize "lifetime sports"....things that will keep even a non-"athlete" or an uncompetitive person active. So many kids either burn out on competitive sports, don't find opportunities to play after HS....and then they become couch potatoes, watching sports.
I used to pooh-pooh those who needed to join gyms to be active. But, lately I've realized how much of my job has begun to be at the computer - I don't even need to get up to check a reference book anymore, or run a note over to the office. Nope, just type in "dictionary.com" or e-mail an attachment. And, in the way we've seen throughout history "to whom more is given, more is expected" - no one seems to have more free time for physical activity because they can accomplish things so quickly via technology - no! there is just more to do. And, I am undoubtedly not alone in switching from spending free time with a healthy physical "break" - like taking a walk, to a less physically active one (like blogging, if you must know).
This writer also made me cringe, because I sound JUST like her mother; she could be quoting me....I was tempted to look around for microphones. So I'm thinking "maybe that line doesn't work!" But, the thing is - teaching a child to "make good choices" doesn't necessarily work either. My mom did everything right, but somehow when it came to making my own food "choices" I don't do as well for myself. Despite the best training and example, despite food never being used as a reward, or becoming an "issue" at all in my growing-up home.... I managed to become a person who rewards herself with food treats. Fortunately, I don't like too much junky stuff (i.e. McDonalds) and unlike this writer, I don't live in a "food city" (to say the least)! But I'd always choose just about ANYTHING over fruit and vegetables - unless they are temptingly prepared (Panera's salads, for example!) Ice cream and doughnuts, rare treats in my childhood, seem to be frequent must-haves in my grown-up existence. Just last night I mentioned to my mom (90,looking much younger, fit and petite, weighing probably 100 lbs.) that I was going to stop and get some ice cream on the way home. She commented that she almost never eats ice cream. It shows. On both of us.
When you come right down to it, I wonder if we don't all have areas of our lives where we are intentional and thoughtful, and other areas where we are just reactive. I am very intentional about my spiritual life, and that of my children.... It is important to me to have a pleasing environment...and try hard to keep my house comparatively tidy. I am far more vigilant about choosing wholesome reading matter for my children, than wholesome food, for example. Now, this is not to say that I don't make an effort to give them wholesome food - I do - but giving them Kraft Mac and Cheese for lunch would not bother me nearly as much as reading aloud to them something that was poorly written. I've been known to stop a few pages into a book, and despite my children's woeful outcries, have exclaimed "This is so poorly written I can't read it! Read it yourself if you must, but you'll have to dig it out of the wastebasket!" I put thought and care into things like grammar, cleanliness, kindness, manners; I put little into clothes, scheduling, cars, the yard.
But back to parenting - that's the problem. Children simply do not reflect in any perfect way what parents try so hard to instill. My parents worked their tails off both by training, environment and perfect example to instill good financial and nutritional habits in me. It was like water off a duck's back, honestly. I wasn't in any way reactive against my parents' training - I certainly didn't reject it - like the author tends to reject her mother's emphasis on the life of the mind, or the way her mother rejected the debutant role that her mom cherished..... Their training simply didn't resonate in those areas the way it resonated in terms of keeping a neat house, having integrity or working hard. When it comes to schoolwork or my job, I am a perfectionist - reflecting values I learned as child. When it comes to nutrition, I just follow my impulses most of the time, with my guilty conscience taking up the rear.
One of the fascinating things about having grown-up children is seeing the ways in which they were "molded" by me, and the ways in which they either rejected or don't think about what I tried to instill. It is gratifying that Aidan took our Catholic faith so strongly to heart. At this point, at least, for Lydia it seems - not quite so much. Both are readers (chalk one up for mom). Both value honesty and integrity. Both value humor. Neither seem to cherish history and tradition to the degree I hoped they would. Aidan shares my obsession with meaningful work. Lydia doesn't seem to care about that. Both seem to value physical fitness a lot more than I do - maybe they got that from what their dad taught (not so much what he does, to be honest).
So, we can and must do the best we can do as parents, but I guess I'm convinced that it certainly isn't an exact science! We just have to hope we don't blow up the lab.
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| from Megan Seagren's Journal: http://blog.meganseagren.com/ |
Some moms have begun a new blog called Therapeutic Moments. It seems a more "upscale"effort than my blog, certainly - never lowering the level to the "uninteresting" or "mundane" the way I did yesterday. It provides personal examples, but isn't personal - if that makes any sense.
This a great essay! It certainly made me think about a lot of different issues related to food, health and parenting.
My husband was a PE teacher for years. One nice thing about age and experience is that it provides one with a longer view....and over the years he began to see that some of his most fit students, talented HS athletes, ten years later might be spotted in the grocery store, loaded down with cases of beer resting on significant pot bellies. He realized that (as in the case of this writer) being an active, athletic teen does not translate to being a fit and active adult. PE classes typically used to (and most still do) emphasize only competitive activities (such as gymnastics) or team sports and games. And face it, even those who might like a lively volleyball game during gym class, are not very likely to seek out a volleyball team when they are out of school. That level of enthusiasm is generally reserved for those with "skills". So Craig began to emphasize "lifetime sports"....things that will keep even a non-"athlete" or an uncompetitive person active. So many kids either burn out on competitive sports, don't find opportunities to play after HS....and then they become couch potatoes, watching sports.
I used to pooh-pooh those who needed to join gyms to be active. But, lately I've realized how much of my job has begun to be at the computer - I don't even need to get up to check a reference book anymore, or run a note over to the office. Nope, just type in "dictionary.com" or e-mail an attachment. And, in the way we've seen throughout history "to whom more is given, more is expected" - no one seems to have more free time for physical activity because they can accomplish things so quickly via technology - no! there is just more to do. And, I am undoubtedly not alone in switching from spending free time with a healthy physical "break" - like taking a walk, to a less physically active one (like blogging, if you must know).
This writer also made me cringe, because I sound JUST like her mother; she could be quoting me....I was tempted to look around for microphones. So I'm thinking "maybe that line doesn't work!" But, the thing is - teaching a child to "make good choices" doesn't necessarily work either. My mom did everything right, but somehow when it came to making my own food "choices" I don't do as well for myself. Despite the best training and example, despite food never being used as a reward, or becoming an "issue" at all in my growing-up home.... I managed to become a person who rewards herself with food treats. Fortunately, I don't like too much junky stuff (i.e. McDonalds) and unlike this writer, I don't live in a "food city" (to say the least)! But I'd always choose just about ANYTHING over fruit and vegetables - unless they are temptingly prepared (Panera's salads, for example!) Ice cream and doughnuts, rare treats in my childhood, seem to be frequent must-haves in my grown-up existence. Just last night I mentioned to my mom (90,looking much younger, fit and petite, weighing probably 100 lbs.) that I was going to stop and get some ice cream on the way home. She commented that she almost never eats ice cream. It shows. On both of us.
When you come right down to it, I wonder if we don't all have areas of our lives where we are intentional and thoughtful, and other areas where we are just reactive. I am very intentional about my spiritual life, and that of my children.... It is important to me to have a pleasing environment...and try hard to keep my house comparatively tidy. I am far more vigilant about choosing wholesome reading matter for my children, than wholesome food, for example. Now, this is not to say that I don't make an effort to give them wholesome food - I do - but giving them Kraft Mac and Cheese for lunch would not bother me nearly as much as reading aloud to them something that was poorly written. I've been known to stop a few pages into a book, and despite my children's woeful outcries, have exclaimed "This is so poorly written I can't read it! Read it yourself if you must, but you'll have to dig it out of the wastebasket!" I put thought and care into things like grammar, cleanliness, kindness, manners; I put little into clothes, scheduling, cars, the yard.
But back to parenting - that's the problem. Children simply do not reflect in any perfect way what parents try so hard to instill. My parents worked their tails off both by training, environment and perfect example to instill good financial and nutritional habits in me. It was like water off a duck's back, honestly. I wasn't in any way reactive against my parents' training - I certainly didn't reject it - like the author tends to reject her mother's emphasis on the life of the mind, or the way her mother rejected the debutant role that her mom cherished..... Their training simply didn't resonate in those areas the way it resonated in terms of keeping a neat house, having integrity or working hard. When it comes to schoolwork or my job, I am a perfectionist - reflecting values I learned as child. When it comes to nutrition, I just follow my impulses most of the time, with my guilty conscience taking up the rear.
One of the fascinating things about having grown-up children is seeing the ways in which they were "molded" by me, and the ways in which they either rejected or don't think about what I tried to instill. It is gratifying that Aidan took our Catholic faith so strongly to heart. At this point, at least, for Lydia it seems - not quite so much. Both are readers (chalk one up for mom). Both value honesty and integrity. Both value humor. Neither seem to cherish history and tradition to the degree I hoped they would. Aidan shares my obsession with meaningful work. Lydia doesn't seem to care about that. Both seem to value physical fitness a lot more than I do - maybe they got that from what their dad taught (not so much what he does, to be honest).
So, we can and must do the best we can do as parents, but I guess I'm convinced that it certainly isn't an exact science! We just have to hope we don't blow up the lab.
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