We had the meeting with the Superintendent today. Both he and the principal are fine men, compassionate, firm and wise. They realized that Ilya needed to express himself, and they listened respectfully.
I didn't say much, but did try and clarify that the reason Ilya missed so much school in the fall was because he was scared to go to school. He began medication which helped, then (as I interpret things) got the idea that if people were scared of him, then he could walk the halls without being afraid himself. I look back now and see that it was a clear idea, and that he set out to put it into action.
Firstly, over Christmas break he went out to buy clothes. He bought a leather jacket - actually it was wool, with leather trim, but the "effect" was "leather jacket". And he bought plain black t-shirts, black jeans and a black stocking cap, and another black and gray fleece jacket. With his dark eyes and black hair he looks very handsome - but reminiscent of James Dean....yes; not quite "scary", but certainly a "don't mess with me" look.
Then there was an e-mail from his ESL teacher saying he was using bad language - crude words for people of other races and girls. Only today did I find out that he was in detention a number of times for this! (This is the only complaint I have with the school - I should have known of every instance. If I'd known and he'd kept it up, I would have removed him....) Anyway - at the time, it just seemed like some anomaly to me. Ilya doesn't do that (or so I thought).
He also developed this practice of staring at people. He even tried it at home. I laughed and told him it was ridiculous. But Sergei complained that he'd do it upstairs, when Sergei had friends over. Practicing, I suppose. So - now I can see that Ilya was developing a number of strategies for appearing intimidating, and keeping himself safe.
The actual step-by-step of the altercation became known, too. Ilya put his hands on the kid, who punched Ilya in the eye, and then he tried to grab Ilya around the knees to throw him down, and that's when Ilya kneed the other boy in the face. So - in some ways that is not quite the cold-blooded "assault" that had been assumed. No matter, really.
I just feel better knowing more, understanding more - even though the result is the same. Almost. He can come back next fall if he has a counselor's statement that he is "safe" and if he completes two on-line classes. So, one good result - we can get as many on-line classes as we want free of charge!
I've been running around all day in a dreadful snowstorm, seeking river rocks for an event we're doing at church here on Sunday. The truck bringing them from Grand Rapids got into an accident. So, instead of focusing on home-issues, I've had my mind at church.
Now, I'm heading home. It will be "interesting" to see how Ilya has processed everything. Fingers are crossed.
I didn't say much, but did try and clarify that the reason Ilya missed so much school in the fall was because he was scared to go to school. He began medication which helped, then (as I interpret things) got the idea that if people were scared of him, then he could walk the halls without being afraid himself. I look back now and see that it was a clear idea, and that he set out to put it into action.
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| For me (only) he smiled |
Then there was an e-mail from his ESL teacher saying he was using bad language - crude words for people of other races and girls. Only today did I find out that he was in detention a number of times for this! (This is the only complaint I have with the school - I should have known of every instance. If I'd known and he'd kept it up, I would have removed him....) Anyway - at the time, it just seemed like some anomaly to me. Ilya doesn't do that (or so I thought).
He also developed this practice of staring at people. He even tried it at home. I laughed and told him it was ridiculous. But Sergei complained that he'd do it upstairs, when Sergei had friends over. Practicing, I suppose. So - now I can see that Ilya was developing a number of strategies for appearing intimidating, and keeping himself safe.
The actual step-by-step of the altercation became known, too. Ilya put his hands on the kid, who punched Ilya in the eye, and then he tried to grab Ilya around the knees to throw him down, and that's when Ilya kneed the other boy in the face. So - in some ways that is not quite the cold-blooded "assault" that had been assumed. No matter, really.
I just feel better knowing more, understanding more - even though the result is the same. Almost. He can come back next fall if he has a counselor's statement that he is "safe" and if he completes two on-line classes. So, one good result - we can get as many on-line classes as we want free of charge!
I've been running around all day in a dreadful snowstorm, seeking river rocks for an event we're doing at church here on Sunday. The truck bringing them from Grand Rapids got into an accident. So, instead of focusing on home-issues, I've had my mind at church.
Now, I'm heading home. It will be "interesting" to see how Ilya has processed everything. Fingers are crossed.
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