We're driving to the store, and Anastasia says "My jaw isn't hurting." As I've mentioned before she has an OCD issue with "tracing" things she sees with her teeth....sort of grinding her teeth together in the various outlines. Obviously, this means she is clinching her jaw all the time and for a couple of years (while I chased a psychiatrist) she complained of pain. That was the first little glimmer....I realized, the meds are kicking in!
And, sure enough, she went to the mall, and when I picked her up, and watched her walk toward the car, I noticed that her posture was different....willowy, not stiff. And, then, she wanted to show me something in the back yard - and she grabbed my hand. The only physical contact we've had in the past five months has been me hugging a cold, stone statue, or her aggressively bumping me "by accident". Here was her soft hand, grasping mine. What a hope-filled feeling!
She began to make eye-contact. She no longer said, "Go die" when passing me. Best of all, she got up one day and said, "Where's my math book?" and since then, has been assiduously studying Algebra.
It was truely like watching a girl made of ice, melt.....and a real girl appear. And with the "real" girl, there are feelings running through those veins. Instead of those angry, snide and snarky comments, there are sincere and painful questions: "I don't understand why everyone leaves me." One afternoon she called me on the phone, crying, "I miss him. I miss my real daddy." She has begun to dwell on her father, who did show her some true love (one piece of which was allowing her to be adopted, as he told me himself.) But, that is a hard bit for her to understand.
And, we have a therapist. Miss Julie is wonderful, and began therapy with Anastasia's "Life Story". I am learning a lot I didn't know, despite all her previous sharing and my previous questions. Until the medical expense account kicks in, in January, we can only afford [barely] an every-other-week visit, but I hope for some real progress soon.
Huge, huge mountains to climb. But, at least we're not still part of the glacier.
And, sure enough, she went to the mall, and when I picked her up, and watched her walk toward the car, I noticed that her posture was different....willowy, not stiff. And, then, she wanted to show me something in the back yard - and she grabbed my hand. The only physical contact we've had in the past five months has been me hugging a cold, stone statue, or her aggressively bumping me "by accident". Here was her soft hand, grasping mine. What a hope-filled feeling!
She began to make eye-contact. She no longer said, "Go die" when passing me. Best of all, she got up one day and said, "Where's my math book?" and since then, has been assiduously studying Algebra.
It was truely like watching a girl made of ice, melt.....and a real girl appear. And with the "real" girl, there are feelings running through those veins. Instead of those angry, snide and snarky comments, there are sincere and painful questions: "I don't understand why everyone leaves me." One afternoon she called me on the phone, crying, "I miss him. I miss my real daddy." She has begun to dwell on her father, who did show her some true love (one piece of which was allowing her to be adopted, as he told me himself.) But, that is a hard bit for her to understand.
And, we have a therapist. Miss Julie is wonderful, and began therapy with Anastasia's "Life Story". I am learning a lot I didn't know, despite all her previous sharing and my previous questions. Until the medical expense account kicks in, in January, we can only afford [barely] an every-other-week visit, but I hope for some real progress soon.
Huge, huge mountains to climb. But, at least we're not still part of the glacier.
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